10 Habits of the Self-Absorbed

Love is based on trust, and it is hard to trust anyone in a culture of narcissism. ~Christopher Lasch

We weren’t made to stand alone. We weren’t created to love best our own image. We weren’t meant to sing the song of the self-absorbed, but we do, by default.

Martin Luther described original sin as our nature “deeply curved in on itself.” A professor illustrated Luther’s thought, placing a curled shaving of wood in my hand. I rolled it gently across my palm and imagined God’s grief over each tightened coil.

In 1979, Christopher Lasch described contemporary America in the title of his book, The Culture of Narcissism. His words were prophetic, written long before Twitter, Reality TV or the shrill paranoia of our time. What once was a narrow psychological diagnosis is now our marinade.

The diagnosis is not surprising–we recognize narcissism when we are targeted, we instinctively reject manipulation or contempt. But we excuse ourselves from the verdict.

Until God rolls us gently across his palm and invites us to look again.

10 Habits of the Self-Absorbed:

1. Demand perfection: No failure tolerated, life’s a competition.
2. Road rage: You deserve to be first and get the best, the world is there to serve your interests.
3. Take offense: All criticism avoided, disagreement must be squashed.
4. Crave approval: Addicted to admiration, you “fish” for your next fix.
5. Pity party: You feel deprived and mistreated, life is unfair.
6. Lack empathy: It’s not your fault if they hurt, they probably asked for it.
7. Helicopter parent: Your self-image lives or dies on your children’s performance.
8. Embrace self-importance: Your opinions are the gold standard, contempt and criticism live on the tip of your tongue.
9. Exploit: Lies and manipulation get you what’s wanted, others’ preferences don’t matter.
10. Avoid feelings: Never look close, never go deep. You may not like what you find.

I’m nailed by at least three. Those who know me well might add more. What about you? Which of these hit home? Blessed are those who can admit the truth. They’ve taken the first step toward life uncurled (Matthew 5:3).