It is clear that the hardest conversion to go through is the conversion of the one who stayed home. ~Henri J.M. Nouwen
The younger brother. His memoir is the more satisfying read–the prodigal son who takes his father’s money and runs toward fortune and fame.
We vicariously thrill to the good life and nod, content, at the eating-worse-than-the-pigs moment of truth. Bad choices lead to bad things, there is justice here.
Our eyes get misty at the awkward journey home, the Father’s breathless run of forgiving grace. It’s a story of hope. The Father, a window into God’s heart for all his wandering ones, holds out a never-expiring second chance. And joyful celebration when we come home.
The plot line is pleasing–but some of us turn the last page with a sense of dismay. We’re not in the story. The party was not for us, the ones who stayed home.
We understand the elder brother’s point of view–why does our wayward brother get the party? We, too, have known misery–without first having any fun. Can you relate?
Elder Brother Syndrome Symptoms
- You compare yourself with others.
- You are resentful when others are blest.
- You are offended by little slights.
- You are quick to see another’s flaws.
- You wonder if God loves others more than you.
- You are angry when someone gets away with bad behavior.
- You long for a blessing that always seems withheld.
- You think God owes you for your efforts.
- You often feel you are competing for a prize you never win.
The Elder Brother in Me
Recently, I typed a letter to God, pounding the keyboard with lament and self-pity: “Why not? Why them? Why not me?” Around word 702 it hit me–this is elder-brother stuff. God seized my moment of sanity, and I heard him whisper,
You are always with me and everything I have is yours.
I turned to Luke 15:31 and there it was.
- You are always with me: I choose you, want to be with you, and my heart aches for you to notice I am here. I offer you myself, not a trophy for your shelf.
- Everything I have is yours: Life, purpose, provision, beauty, people. Most of all, my unqualified, unquenchable love.
I’m as lost as the prodigal. I, too have broken my Father’s heart. I too need to come home. I look up and with tear-blurred eyes see my Father running towards me, his arms opened wide. Every single time.
And so do you.
Do you trust this is true?
(Luke 15:11-32)
Image Credit-flickr-Nickdawg
6 replies on “Elder Brother Syndrome: Common Symptoms”
You are always with me and everything I have is yours.
Words that will rattle around in my head for awhile. And may the truth of them slaughter the symptoms of the elder brother that I display.
Always a timely read, Janet.
If those words rattle, it would be difficult for ugly others to intrude. Thanks, Rebecca.
Domestic disputes are the most dangerous of calls for police to respond to.
But! God specializes in domestic disturbances. He wants to HEAL US TOTALLY!
Rebellious and reckless the prodigal goes off on a junket of frivolity and fun!
Or was it? Rebellion is on the surface. But! God is not superficial! He goes deep!
He is God. He loves us. He wants us to fully be functioning IN CHRIST!
The Father wants to get to the marrow of us and TOTALLY HEAL US!
He wants us to draw near to Him .. marinate in His love .. and be healed.
In the Old Testament I would have been stoned to death! New Testament .. Yes!
We are sorry! We need to be accepted and forgiven! Embraced from the heart of our siblings for heavens sake! We are forgiven by God as we forgive others.
“Embraced from the heart of our siblings for heavens sake.” Beautiful, Ginny.
Janet, this is a syndrome I saw often as a youth pastor years ago. My story is in some ways at least a prodigal type story. As such it makes for great fodder on the speaker circuit. It sells tickets, fills auditoriums, gets the “praise Gods” and “glory to God” statements. Just to have that story is to feel a sense of adulation. However, what about pastor’s kids? I saw far too many shop around to purchase similar stories for themselves in order to justify their significance and gain the adulation that inevitably followed.
All stories are good stories. Grace remains grace however it is dished up and to whomever. In this country, we love the “bootstraps” stories to which we affix a Luke 15 nameplate. What of those whose quiet, steady consistency has bought for them a life to be emulated but who are easily forgotten because they don’t have the glitter and sequins of their younger counterparts?
This a good word.
You hit the nail on the proverbial head, Robert! “Grace remains grace” and I picture the Father with a bewildered look on his face at the way we differentiate. Thanks!