God calls us, as He did Adam, to come out of hiding. No amount of spiritual makeup can render us more presentable to Him. ~Brennan Manning
I am an impostor.
I know exactly where on that dusk-blurred trail I admitted it. For years I had struggled to become a more acceptable, lovable version of myself and now it was clear–I had failed. Shaken by a mixture of despair and unexpected light-heartedness, I raised my arms in surrender. The jig was up–my false self took a fatal blow.
Why had it lived at all?
At some point I must have decided that my real self, with her endless questions, doubts, struggles, incompetence and imperfection was as discouraging to God as she was to me. Over time, my version of a relationship with God, and with anyone, became, “stop being needy, only approach God and others when life is beautifully arranged.” Those moments seldom came.
Getting Real
Later I underlined most of Brennan Manning’s Abba’s Child, penciling comments in the margins–“yes, this was me!” The book gave me words to understand the image-management, approval-seeking, masks I wore–as do we all–to cope in a world hostile to authenticity.
Brennan Manning’s promise, in a letter written to his own impostor self and, unknowingly, to me: In the reconciling presence of the risen Christ, you will learn “to live by grace and not by performance.”
Holy High-Maintenance
The Psalms, awash with God-approved greedy need, used to shock me. Now they are my well-thumbed delight. I open to Psalm 143 and marvel at David’s two-fisted grip on God’s collar:
- Listen to me
- Remind me
- Empty me
- Answer me
- Reassure me
- Show me
- Rescue me
- Teach me
- Lead me
- Preserve me
The psalmist presumes you come to God troubled, doubting, empty, impatient, worried, confused, at your wit’s end, ignorant, incapable and friendless. God expects to find you in your unvarnished, hapless, human condition. Because you are not God, and where else can you turn?
And when you bring the messed-up, flea-market-reject parts of your real self to God, what can you expect in return?
Unfailing love.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Psalm 143:8
What masks do you wear? Do you dare come to God as the real you?
8 replies on “God Wants To Make You Real”
Janet,
I really enjoy your thoughts about how we our selves. I can see how many of us can be impostors. In churches these days many of us out here in the country can see that happening and it divides the church. Thank you for sharing this inside. I am the main leader of our “Aglow” in Kiowa ( Elbert County) in Colorado I will share this with our women. We are striving for more “intimacy” with our Lord and His purification to do His purpose. If “ever” you are in our area please let me know we would love you to come to speak on this subject or what God places on your heart! Thank You again! Pam Smith
Great to hear from you, Pam. I love Colorado–I’ll let God work on that! Blessings to you and the women you serve. Janet
Janet: Hallelujah! Isn’t it freeing to recognize that? WHY couldn’t I have recognized it at 20, 30,– heck, I was in my 40’s before I really got it….and I’m still
getting it! Love the way you write. So fresh! Is there a LOVE IT button???
I’m still getting it too! Thanks, Susan!
I like it!
Do we really think we’re pulling one over on the God of heaven and earth as we hum and haw and scrape our feet self-doubtingly? Two things must be true: God is good and God is busy. If that is true, on my worst conceivable day, I’m am loved by a God nosier for my presence than I am for his. Shocking. Life-giving.
“Loved by a God nosier for my presence than I am for his.” That made me laugh for its outrageous truth, Robert.
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