Love will not be constrained by mastery.~ Geoffrey Chaucer
Companion: From the old French, One who breaks bread with another.
Warmed by mugs of fresh-brewed coffee, they nibble home-made pumpkin bread and admire the first red leaf of autumn resting between them on the worn oak table. Their eyes are kind, their posture comfortable, reflecting other-centered hearts. How have you been? How can I help? What would you advise? I’m grateful to find someone who will listen.
Control: From the old French “to keep accounts.” To exercise dominating influence over.
Stiff arms crossed, they glare at each other across the room, one calculating the best answer to the wailing rant of the other. Crafty maneuvers, evasions and defensive lobs deaden them to the unspoken cries of their own hearts. The air is tense with accusation. What were you thinking? Why do you never? How dare you defy my rights and desires? When will you become the ideal I have in mind?
Companionship or Control, which word best describes the relationships in your life?
God welcomes the human to his new home–a lush garden more beautiful than words can capture. Adam, not yet a proper name, but Hebrew for “earth-made,” is given a task to name the animals. In the midst of the barking, baa-ing, twittering, growling crowd, he hopes to find a companion.
One by one, Milo and Otis, Simba and Barbar approach and lick his out-stretched fingers, adoring. Cute, cuddly, and uncomplicated, a pet just may be the answer.
For the first time, the Creator has noticed something not good. People were not made for solitary life. But an unequal, superior/inferior pairing will not teach us how to love. A helper, an ezer kenegdo, a “sustainer-beside-him” must be found.
A True Companion
The English word “helper” in Genesis 2:18 derails us–a helper implies less-than. Gender, class and race divisions reflect the wretched human tendency to form a pecking order, to dominate each other in any group of more than one. What was the relationship between Adam and Eve? How do they model God’s design for all relationships? Before you decide, consider these other Old Testament verses where the word ezer is found:
Exodus 18:4 Moses names one of his sons Eli-ezer, for “The God of my father was my help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh.”
Deuteronomy 33:7 “O LORD give heed to Judah…strengthen his hands for him, and be a help against his adversaries.”
Psalm 27:7-9 “Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud….Do not turn your servant away in anger, you who have been my help.”
Of the 29 places outside of Genesis 2 the word ezer is used, all but one refer to God. The implication? The first human needed someone to be like God for him, God with skin on, as they say. In marriage, in friendship, in work and church relationships–yes, even in the halls of Congress, God’s intention is for companionship, not control.
Ever since Genesis 3, we’ve resisted the call to companion.
- We know how to dominate,
- we know how to cower,
- we know how to detach.
But we have forgotten how to be the kind of companion/helper God has been to us.
So, later on in our story, God will become human to show us how its done.
How is God calling you to be a companion rather than control freak to others in your life?
Welcome to our series, An Alphabet Adagio. We are savoring the story of the Bible, our story, alphabetically. You can subscribe to e-mail above so you won’t miss a letter. Next: D is for Deceived.
Photograph by Melanie Hunt
