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Losing The Boxes: Why Accepting Others Is The Better Way

If I wait for others to be what I want them to be, I will never accept them. ~James Bryan Smith

I like boxes. Which is why the word acceptance can make me squirm. It seems too close to easy tolerance, the slippery slope into chaos that begins with a “whatever” shrug.

A substitute teacher reads the paper while the bullies have their way. Scout badges are handed out and slackers get the same. The neighbor boy grabs your toy and your parents think he’s cute.

We rightly fear a life-song with indifference as its tune.

So, perhaps like me, you draw a line, dole out your response. Approving applause or stiff-faced disdain, we sort people, good from bad; and put them into boxes, where we hope they’ll safely stay.

But what happens when the “bad” box is full and I stand  in the “good” box alone? Or what happens when it’s me I disdain, and I can’t find a way to get out?

Jesus’ command to “love your enemies” is for boxed-in moments like those. Love your enemies and pray for them, because there will be times when the enemy is everyone, and you still need people to love. 

God Has No Boxes

When we learn that God has no boxes, we find the courage to toss ours.

Accept one another just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God (Romans 15:7). The Greek word for “accept” means “to welcome someone into your home, into your closest circles of family and friendship.” Yes, God did that for you…and for the guy in the other box.

Outside The Box

I used to roll my eyes at people who had dogs. They smell, bark, pee, chew, whine, scratch, slobber. Why invite the mess?

Then sweet Pixie arrived, bringing delight and disarray. Hair on the couch, stains on the carpet, chewed up treasures–the list goes on and on. But she’s in our hearts, she’s family, and at her worst I know it best.

People aren’t dogs, but you get my point.

In Embracing the Love of God, James Bryan Smith promises, “God looks not to our strengths but to our weaknesses as a means of inserting his love in our hearts.”

A very un-boxlike strategy we can use.

Do you have boxes that may need to be tossed?

 

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Grace For An Ugly Space

Many of us find it difficult to believe that God could look at us and smile. ~James Bryan Smith

The face of grace

The topic was God’s grace.

Yet I had to force a smile, and wave away puzzled concern as I sprinted from the conference center for the safety of my car. Somewhere between there and home I pulled over and parked. I couldn’t see to drive.

A life-time of unspent tears flowed from somewhere deep in my stoic Scandinavian frame. An hour and a kleenex box later I wasn’t done, but others would worry. I stumbled into the house, mumbled something about a headache, and stared wet-eyed at the dark ceiling until sleep finally came.

The next morning, alone with my coffee and confusion, I took stock. In that compassion-saturated auditorium I had let down my guard. The grace of God collided with my well-crafted self-image, and I saw it–the ugliest, most hated part of me.

Favored Sins

You probably have one too. A favored sin, deep-rooted and tightly wound, it reaches into the fabric and fibre of your identity. I didn’t know the name of mine until recently. It has a Latin name, Invidia, one of the 7 Deadly Sins. In modern times we call it Envy, and shrug it off.  But, with eyes cleared by honest confession, I had seen myself twisted in its grip.

Worse, I knew that God had seen it too.

The next day I opened the book I had purchased between seminars, Embracing the Love of God,* by James Bryan Smith. By the end of chapter two I recognized my wound. Shame–an ancient emotion reaching back to Eden’s shrubbery, and a hissing voice, “Whatever you do, don’t let God see you now.”

But God had seen me, and his response left me undone. Not repelled, He drew closer. And under the inviting gaze of Jesus, I could admit the truth. I am both precious and perverse. And I am loved.

Grace

“Grace,” assures Dr. Smith, “heals our shame not by trying to find something good and lovely within us that is worth loving, but by looking at us as we are; the good and the bad, the lovely and the unlovely, and simply accepting us. God accepts us with the promise that we will never be unacceptable to him.”

(Romans 5:8    Romans 15:7    1 John 4:10)

*One in series on this blog, Fifteen Books That Found Me.

Is it difficult to believe God’s acceptance runs that deep? Do you know it to be true for you?

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Sabbath Quiet: A Morning Blessing

St. Francis walked the world like the Pardon of God. I mean that his appearance marked the moment when men could be reconciled not only to God but to nature and, most difficult of all, to themselves.~ G.K. Chesterton

The blessing of flowers

A Franciscan Morning Blessing

Jesus, I offer you this new day because I believe in you, love you, hope all things in you and thank you for your blessings.

I am sorry for having offended you and forgive everyone who has offended me.

Lord, look on me and leave in me peace and courage and your humble wisdom that I may serve others with joy, and be pleasing to you all day.

Amen

Wisdom of St. Francis

Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance.

Where there is patience and humility, there is neither anger nor vexation.

Where there is poverty and joy, there is neither greed nor avarice.

Where there is peace and meditation, there is neither anxiety nor doubt.

St. Francis of Assisi (1182-1226)

A Grammar of Gratitude

St. Francis was above all things a great giver; and he cared chiefly for the best kind of giving which is called thanksgiving.

If another great man wrote a grammar of assent, he may well be said to have written a grammar of acceptance; a grammar of gratitude.

He understood down to its very depths the theory of thanks; and its depths are a bottomless abyss…the great and good debt that cannot be paid.

G.K. Chesterton, from St. Francis of Assisi

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Goodness Happens

I believed that here in Le Chambon goodness had happened, and I had come to this village on a high plateau in southern France in order to understand that goodness face-to-face. ~Philip Hallie

goodness happens when we answer the knock

How does goodness happen?

The villagers of Le Chambon, whom I introduced in my last post, didn’t set out to save 3,500 Jews from certain death.

They just answered a knock at the door.

And in the split second of decision, when certainty and safety were too slippery to grasp, something deeper than common sense made up their minds. Something that made it easy to open the door wider, to offer a weary refugee a warm, homely welcome.

Le Chambon kindness was shaped by experiences not easily forgotten. Centuries of persecution still haunted their collective memory, ancestors who faced torture and death because of  their Protestant faith. The villagers knew with biblical certainty, that to live with and love the enemy one must not copy the enemy’s ways.

Well acquainted as Pastor Trocmé and his church were with the cold winds of cruelty, compassion for those shivering before them was easily found.

The pattern is repeated in each human heart–we have a choice. The way of the enemy, or the strange way of Jesus. Yielded to him, we will notice the upside-down law: Not from outward success–any position of strength, but from our brokenness, goodness is born.

Goodness Happens. You’ve seen it:

  • Comforting words from the one well-versed in grief.
  • A wide-armed embrace from the one often left out.
  • An understanding nod from the one who’s ignored.
  • A generous gift from the one who has little.
  • A hospitable welcome from the newly displaced.
  • Deep wisdom flows from the one who’s been silenced.

Goodness happens where we’ve lamented our sin, where we’ve travelled the margins, or been pushed off the grid.

Goodness happens where, flawed and deficient, we have turned to a God of unlimited grace. In the place of our weakness, God’s strength gains a footing–when we’ve run out of ourselves, what’s left is all him.

And you?

Someone is knocking at a door only you can open, because you are the one who has stood where they are.

(Deuteronomy 10:19,  2 Corinthians 1:3,  2 Corinthians 12:10)

How is God using your past failures and sorrow to open a door for others?

 

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The Power of Small: Le Chambon-Sur-Lignon

From the point of view of the history of nations, something very small had happened here. ~Philip Hallie

small french village

In a world where success is measured in numbers, where GO BIG, OR GO HOME! is the cheer, the truth may escape us:

Christ is found in the small choices and seldom-noticed courage of  those who believe he meant what he said.

Lest Innocent Blood Be Shed, one of the 15  books that found me, is Philip Hallie’s gripping story of Le Chambon, a small village in the south of France, and “how goodness happened there.”

Few history books record the tale. During the German Occupation more than 3,500 French Jews, many of them children, were rescued by those living in this isolated village. For years, a little train delivered a stream of refugees right under the noses of the Nazis.

Hidden away in farmhouses, some were escorted over dangerous mountains into Switzerland. The high-plateau town, despite openly flouting Vichy orders, emerged from the war unscathed. A miracle.

But, just as compelling as what happened there, is why it did.

The Power of Small

Over the door of the Protestant church in Le Chambon are the words of Jesus, Love One Another. Pastor André Trocmé, later named the “soul” of Le Chambon, had the audacity to believe that Jesus really meant it when he taught us,

  • human life is precious–we must not harm,
  • love transcends categories–people are people,
  • we must not become the very thing we oppose.

In the late 1930’s, as the shadow of evil grew over Europe, Pastor Trocmé preached from the gospels of Jesus. He urged his community to search out little ways, small acts of goodness to undermine the forces of destruction now unleashed in their own country– but without doing evil themselves.

When the first frightened, half-frozen Jews knocked on their doors, his parishioners were ready.

Many years later, when interviewers asked Why? of the villagers, the inevitable response was a shrug. “Things had to be done, that’s all, and we happened to be there to do them. You must understand that it was the most natural thing in the world to help these people.”

Does “goodness happen” here?

Jesus claimed that mountains are shifted by mustard-seed-sized faith. I wonder if mountains seldom move around me because I don’t really believe he meant what he said.

What about you? How ready are you for the ones Christ will send your way?


 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sabbath Quiet: Joy Is The Great Surprise

The beating heart of the universe is holy joy. ~Martin Buber

joy

Optimism

To be surprised by joy is something quite different from naive optimism. Optimism is the attitude that makes us believe that things will be better tomorrow.

An optimist says: “The war will be over, your wounds will be healed, the depression will go away, the epidemic will be stopped…all will be better soon.”

The optimist may be right or wrong, but, whether right or wrong, the optimist does not control the circumstances.

Joy

Joy does not come from positive predictions about the state of the world. It does not depend on the ups and downs of the circumstances of our lives.

Joy is based on the spiritual knowledge that, while the world in which we live is shrouded in darkness, God has overcome the world.

Jesus says it loudly and clearly: “In the world you will have troubles, but rejoice, I have overcome the world.”

Surprise

The surprise is not that, unexpectedly, things turn out better than expected.

No, the real surprise is that God’s light is more real than all the darkness, that God’s truth is more powerful than all human lies, that God’s love is stronger than death.

The world lies in the power of the Evil One. Indeed, the powers of darkness rule the world. We should not be surprised when we see human suffering and pain all around us.

But we should be surprised by joy every time we see that God, not the Evil One, has the last word.

Hope

By entering into the world and confronting the Evil One with the fullness of Divine Goodness, the way was opened for us to live in the world, no longer as victims, but as free men and women, guided, not by optimism, but by hope.

Henri J.M. Nouwen from Here and Now

Photo of Whiskytown Lake, CA

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6 Prayer Habits That Let In The Light

Prayer is nothing else than an intimate friendship, a frequent heart-to-heart conversation with Him by whom we know ourselves to be loved. ~Teresa of Avila

prayer window

Some of our windows always seem to face north, where colors are muted and shadows are long. Light doesn’t flood–it plays in the corner, elusive and longed for and hugged to our hearts.

And though night has been vanquished a thousand times over, hope doesn’t accrue like unused vacation. With every new twilight we learn how to wait. Every new dawn finds us needy for mercy.

Am I describing you? Do you find the light fades quickly in the “room” you inhabit? What do you do to  keep the darkness at bay?

Prayer is often the last thing I think of, yet it never has failed to be just what I need.

Prayer anchors me in the moment and keeps worry in its place. Without that firm tether my mind wanders ahead, my life bleeds into the unknown. And I forget the presence and present moment of God–the here where I’ll find him, how he’s working right now.

Prayer can be more than its conventional posture. Here are some habits that let in the light.

6 Prayer Habits

  1. With each new touch of your hand–a coffee mug, the knob of a door, a small hand, a checkbook, a book or a hammer–whisper a prayer of gratitude and trust.
  2. Pray for the one who is now within eyesight–waiting in line, at the cross walk, one cubicle over. Root your thoughts in the real, in what matters, in the people God loves.
  3. Invite God to sort through the voices you hear. Make separate piles, the kind and the cruel, writing them down. Sift through for the true, send the rest through the shredder–let God’s grace have the last word.
  4. Walk through a day with the theme word of THIS. When anxiety threatens, turn your mind to this moment, this encounter, this person, this decision, this task, whatever grace has been given at this time.
  5. Share your lunchbox with Jesus, let him see what you chew on, that which chews you. Lay your burdens and worries, self-loathing and anger before his wise presence. Write, shout, whimper exactly where you are. Then let him respond.
  6. Sing the truths of God’s word. Pray an old hymn. Listen to lyrics that remind you of light.

What other prayer habits have been helpful to you? I would love to hear your ideas.

Photo, Fountains Abbey, Laura Windes

 

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Jesus And His Unconventional, Inefficient Way

If Jesus had never lived, we would not have been able to invent him. ~Walter Wink

the desert way

I look at the road-end, the empty desert beyond. And a voice from behind says, keep walking forward. But my feet, and my heart, stay rooted in place.

Jesus, your way can’t possibly work. You see the clear signage–beyond here, no one goes.

It’s nice, but impractical to follow your way.

I Make My Case

Nothing will get done with life interrupted. My plans and intentions will die from neglect. I’ll find myself stopping for every touch in the crowd, or sitting to dine with types best avoided. And waste my time praying in the freshly dawned hours, or thumbing through pages, ancient onion-skin wisdom, when truth is as close as Siri’s sweet voice.

And a tweet or a text loving gesture enough.

Jesus, to me, your priorities seem off.

  • You tell me to let go when I want to hang on.
  • You tell me to trust when there’s reason to fear.
  • You tell me to love the very people I loathe.
  • You tell me to lose the same self I’m seeking.
  • You tell me to wait as my world heads for a cliff.

Your way is at odds with what’s obviously true:

  • Blessed are the meek in a world made for the bold?
  • Blessed are the peacemakers in a world filled with sharks?

Oh, I’ve lived long enough to see it may work for a moment. But for every “chicken-soup-for-the-soul” ending, there’s a follow-up report. The glad cheers of yesterday are today’s breaking bad news.

Your way doesn’t work, as the evidence shows. So I’ll stick to the paths, well-worn by long practice. And wonder why the world isn’t what it should be.

His Answer

His answer comes swiftly, scented with promise,

Follow me, in my unconventional, “inefficient” way. Someday you will see it, and dance in my joy. What you think is life wasted is you being made new.

(1 Corinthians 1:18-31, Revelation 21:5)

How is Jesus asking you to be unconventional?

 

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Hope: A Sunday Memo To Self

He that lives in hope dances without music. ~George Herbert

Pacific Grove hope

The Hope of Everyone on Earth

You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds, O God our savior. You are the hope of everyone on earth, even those who sail on distant seas.

You formed the mountains by your power and armed yourself with mighty strength.

You quieted the raging oceans with their pounding waves and silenced the shouting of the nations.

Those who live at the ends of the earth stand in awe of your wonders. From where the sun rises to where it sets, you inspire shouts of joy.

Psalm 65:5-8

Every Reason To Hope

Our ultimate hope is not to escape a damned world, but that God’s will shall be done in His redeemed world.

We truly hope for the renewal of the earth only if we really wish for it. We actually hope for it only if we can imagine it.

And we will hope for the renewal of our world only if we have reason to believe that God can and will make it happen.

My own reason for believing that it will happen is God Himself, the God who “makes all things new.”

Believers are not optimists, they are people of hope.

Their only reason for so huge a hope is the story of how the Maker of the world once came to His world, died, lived again, and still intends to come back and fix His world once and for all.

Lewis Smedes in, Standing On the Promises

Pacific Grove beauty

Pacific Grove, California

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Violence Saves? What Popeye Didn’t Tell Us

The myth of redemptive violence is the simplest, laziest, most exciting, uncomplicated, irrational and primitive depiction of evil the world has ever known. ~Walter Wink

violence

The lights come back on. We walk with soda-sticky steps toward the exit, wiping popcorn off our fronts. Satisfied for the moment, we return to a world where nothing seems so easy.

In high-definition glory the good guys won. The bad guys were annihilated, the hero sailed into the sunset. And we sigh, “if only…”

From Popeye to Dirty Harry, Star Wars to 007, the same story is told: violence saves. But the plot-line is more ancient than we know.

An Ancient Tale (Enuma Elish c.1250 B.C.E.)

The pistachio-munching Babylonian crowds grip their seats as the climax of the creation story nears.  A bloody battle scene–the armies of chaos locked in mortal combat against the forces of order. Will the hero prevail?

The crowd cheers as the god Marduk delivers the fatal blow. With chaos now subdued he creates the cosmos (the heavens and the earth) out of the battered corpse of his opponent. As the credits roll, Marduk clutches his victory crown; the once minor god is now king over all.

Violence Saves

Though we call it a myth, that story runs in our veins. It’s the way things have always worked. What’s my first response to opposition, to a sucker-punch from life? What’s the easy answer to conflict and unkindness?

  • Retribution is necessary
  • Enemies must be eliminated
  • God is on my side

In my cleaned-up version, no blood is involved. A more subtle approach to getting even, getting rid of, and feeling justified works for me. And what about you?

A Better Story

The biblical writers told a better story.

Genesis begins not with battle, but with chaos that obediently responds to the life-giving word of the Creator. With only a rebuke, a look–by God’s voice alone–light appears, waters flow, the earth trembles, and the future unfolds. Read through the Bible and you learn that:

  • In wisdom, not violence, all was made.
  • Enemies are best eliminated by loving them.
  • God is sovereign and on everyone’s side.

The two ancient stories compete for our allegiance today. Which version is true?

Which do you embrace? 

Next Time: Part 3 of our look at The Powers That Be: Jesus’ brilliant answer to Marduk.

Read Genesis 1-2, Job 38-41, Psalm 104, Isaiah 40-45 for the biblical version of Creation. Also, Psalm 104:24, Matthew 5:44, Psalm 145:9

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